Dramatis Personae

FREAK U.

OMEGA PSI PHI: MEMBERS IN GOOD STANDING (WELL, PRETTY GOOD STANDING) (OK, MEMBERS, ANYWAY)

Cosmo Sorenson

--Our hero. Normal guy, recent high school graduate, suddenly finds himself thrust into America's strangest institute of higher education and its highest fraternity of...um...strange education. Yeah. Within a week of joining, Cosmo was inducted into Omega Psi Phi and zapped by a weird green thing, and since then, things have only gotten stranger. Major: Physics

Carlos Protagoras "Woodlouse" Wadlowski

--The inevitable horndog sidekick. De facto leader of Omega House (a lot of things about Omega House are "De Facto"). Woodlouse is possessed of a raging libido, an extremely tricked out hawaiian shirt full of gadgets, and a large trust fund from his rich inventor parents. Unlike most frat boys, however, Woodlouse uses these things to save the world. Well, except for his libido. Usually. Major: Changes on a regular basis.

Lugo Kreitz

--Big fat party animal. A true "fixture" of Omega House, rarely away from his favourite couch. Currently in the middle of a two-month-long attempt to make it to the final level of "Bloodwhack: the Bonening" for the X-Box. Interrupted only for party activities, i.e. frequently. Major: An eternal mystery.

Ganji

--Rastafarian Genie. Sealed in a hookah for several thousand years, barely noticed. Omega House is under his protectorship; anything goes wrong on the house grounds, and he knows about it. Also sometimes gets premonitions of danger concerning official members of Omega house. Occasional philosopher. Staunch pal. Major: Law. (No, really.)

Esmerelda Davilstein

--Black magic woman. Dabbles in the dark arts, not always with greatest success. Endulges in other witchy cliches when she's not studying. Victor represents her major achievement to date. Good with healing potions. Major: Pre-med.

Vincent Francoletti

--Rock monster. Homunculus brought to life by Esme, designed to be "the perfect man". Upbeat and thoughtful individual, also effortlessly cool. Lead singer of "Children of the Night", the most popular campus band. Strong enough to bench press a couch. Major: Music theory.

Socrates "Sock" Crenshaw

--Smart feline. Experiments with astral projection came to an abrupt halt when he switched bodies with Esme's cat. Still in search of a cure. Experience has left him rather bitter. Still a whiz at research and dry wit. Major: English (via correspondance courses).

NOTABLE STUDENTS & FACULTY

Carol Chang

--She's cute. She's prim. She's smart. She and Cosmo make sparks. They're perfect for each other, except for the part where he has a girlfriend and she's part of a millennia-old league of assassins devoted to killing him. Why can't love ever be simple?

Dean Percival Weinerman

--Crusty, bitter old dean. Suffers from obsessive need for control, and delusions of grandeur. Eternal, if currently rather ineffectual, enemy of Omega House.

Professor Bob Henchley

--Loyal henchman of Dean Weinerman, possibly not particularly bright, despite being a scientist. Actual duties include being abused and providing exposition.

Brandina Oubliette

--An upbeat, cheerful, inebriated girl who can be found all over campus. All over the students, too. Recently witness to a murder.

Hester Simmons

--Angry feminist man-hater. Actually, it's only one man she hates, and that's Woodlouse. And she wasn't angry until she met him, either. Having knocked boots with Woody, however, has left her awash in frustration and bitterness. That tends to happen a lot.

Mo Leman

--Small, helpful tech wizard and president of the A/V club, who provides mechanical and electronic support for Omega House. Lives underground.

Professor Ramsang Suryajat

--Cosmo's psychics professor. Lost his arm under mysterious circumstances.

Oona

--Thawed out from a 50,000-year-old block of ice and set loose on the modern world, Oona is so far coping with it quite well, already having survived a run-in with a masked maniac. Hester has since taken her under her wing.

"Hairy" Larry Wolfe

--Bassist for Children of the Night, Vincent & Esme's band. Mellow but hairy. Possible lycanthrope?

Raymond "Gnarl" Henderson

--Children of the Night's drummer. Hunchback and babe magnet.

OTHER CHARACTERS

Kang Kai Chang

--Carol's father; dead, but still a source of embarassment to his daughter. Trained her in the deadly arts, as well as the arts of deadliness. Appears to have some connection to the weird glowing thing that zapped Cosmo, who he believes must be eradicated for the good of mankind. So basically like the father of every girlfriend you've ever had.

Mary Lynn O'Dell

--Cosmo's girlfriend, attending an all-girl's college in Sacramento. Cosmo thinks of her every minute. She may not reciprocate as intently as she ought to.

Professor Artemis Van Brecht

--Discovered Oona frozen in ice in a remote Aleutian island; thoughtlessly allowed her to thaw out, thus becoming the laughingstock of the academic community. Sure to turn up at Kindcaid U. eventually.

A mysterious alien creature

--Mysterious, alien, and a creature. Has been lurking in the woods, spying on the students via weird little spydrones. Apparently about to begin "Phase Two".

Smiley

--An unpleasant fellow who's entirely too attached to his (her?) chainsaw. Not to mention using it to cut people into small bits. Makes weird clicking noises. Wears homemade smiley mask. Real identity unknown. May be one of the above characters. Or may not be.

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